It happens to the best of us. We get through a really dark time in our life and somehow we find liberation again. We can breath again, feel again, appreciate again, get excited again. Life seems brand new because we grabbed it by the horns and made it through the worst of it. Day after day we learn how to never go back our old lives and way of living and it all seems amazing. We regain our confidence, learn how to control our shadow side, start taking care of ourselves more, learn ourselves again and even start having a bit of fun here and there!
Then we meet somebody that changes everything. You start to love being around this person and all of a sudden your world is shared. You're addicted to the way they make you feel and can't imagine our future without them. We definitely are in the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship. Things start getting more serious and you start really love this person! Then something happens and BOOM. You're hit with doubt, fear, anxiety, insecurity and all these emotions you haven't felt since you were in your old life. It can't all be coming back, but it is. It seems the darkness inside of us will never go away no matter how long we venture into happiness and exploration. The smallest things start to trigger old wounds that your partner had no idea you had. You start to feel ashamed and become passive aggressive or withdrawn to hide the things you're feeling. We don't want to lose this person because of our flaws, we don't want to feel like the person we are wont be accepted. Especially if everything just changed overnight with you and you had no idea this person was going to trigger such feelings for you.
We start to change ourselves to make this person stay even though they really shouldn't anymore because we are hiding all these issues that we have from them, and that's not real love. We become clingy, paranoid, territorial, anxious, intrusive, impulsive, inappropriate, needy and so many more unattractive traits develop because of our inability to just be honest about our feelings and needs. We dont like to feel vulnerable and put in a position where we could get rejected or laughed at. Its all about overcoming that fear and testing your relationship for your own mental health and future.
During this time there's a lot going on and this is the point where most forget all the progress they've made and just how strong and amazing they really are despite these old wounds.
We need to practice self love everyday even in a relationship and one of the most important rules are to be honest. Not only with your partner, but with yourself. That person deserves to know the truth of our past and deserves to decide if they're capable of complicating their lives for you or if they just rather leave you alone and not damage you more.
This is a win win for us regardless if they stay or not. Because of our honesty if they stay we know it is because they truly love and respect us and if they go then we can continue on our search for finding the right one for us and continue developing our confidence and new amazing lifestyle with a clear conscious. Being honest is a huge courageous decision to make for yourself so don't just write that off as nothing, ITS HARD TO SACRIFICE A RELATIONSHIP AND PUT YOURSELF FIRST! Always celebrate the small steps in your progress and remember how much you deserve the best!
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If you would like to work 1 on 1 through an emotional situation you are going through please book a session with me by clicking here. If this is a mental health emergency please call a suicide hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or 911.